This role is inevitable for you and your children when one or both of you chose or continue to be involved with someone other than your spouse while married. Our children experience firsthand the heart wrenching consequences that your actions cause. Regardless of which one of you was or continues to be unfaithful is not primary at this time.
What must be a wake-up call for each of you is your children are frightened, scared of the family unraveling with a possible divorce and love each of you ( you hope). They need both of you to comfort and be reassuring to them. This is not their fault in anyway and they cannot fix your infidelity. Children are not pawns and should not be placed in such situations. Details are not necessary but honesty is important. Less information works better for them as they struggle with the fear, hurt and the unknown. I strongly suggest you seek professional help for them as you should be doing for yourselves as well.
Children are usually left to figure things out alone and often know something is wrong before the betrayed parent knows for certain. Your children remain on the sidelines but dragged in as they suffer silently being the last ones to receive help. As parents you become so self absorbed because of the situation your children regardless of their age are left to cope and navigate alone.
This is certainly not what you want for them. I hope you take part in our 12step support group for Parents!
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